Excessive Ego: Self-esteem, Pride, and Vanity

The Egotistic Man

³¹ In prosperity, the egotistic man might have some advantage over the modest man. People applaud him louder. Yet with all things fairly computed, the real advantage is always:

• in favour of the modest man, and
• against the egotistic man

A man is not ashamed if he only gives himself the merit due to him.

• He is content on his character’s genuine truth and solidity.
• His admirers might not be many nor loud in their applauses, but he is admired by wise men

Parmenides read a philosophical discourse before a public assembly at Athens.

• He observed that his friends left him, except Plato.
• He continued to read on and said that Plato alone was audience sufficient for him.

To a real wise man, the judicious approbation of a single wise man, gives more satisfaction than all the noisy applauses of 10,000 ignorant but enthusiastic admirers.

³² It is otherwise with the egotistic man.

Wise men admire him the least and so he thinks that they are jealous of his prosperity. He suspects his best friends and so he drives them away. He often rewards their services with ingratitude, cruelty, and injustice. He trusts instead flatterers and traitors who pretend to idolize his vanity. In the beginning, his character might be somewhat defective, though generally amiable and respectable. But it becomes contemptible and odious in the end.

Amidst the intoxication of prosperity, Alexander:

• killed Clytus for preferring the exploits of his father Philip to his own,
• tortured Calisthenes to death for refusing to adore him in the Persian manner, and
• murdered Parmenio after executing Parmenio’s only remaining son on the most groundless suspicions.

The venerable Parmenio was the great friend of Alexander’s father, Philip.

The rest of Parmenio’s sons died in Alexander’s service. Philip used to say that the Athenians were very fortunate to find 10 generals every year. But Philip himself could never find one but Parmenio, in his whole life. Parmenio’s vigilance and attention always gave Philip confidence and security.

During mirth and jollity, Philip used to say:

Alexander gained all his victories under Parmenio’s presence and counsel. Without him, Alexander would have never gained a single victory. Alexander left his humble, admiring, and flattering friends in power behind him who divided his empire among themselves. They killed every survivor after robbing his family and kindred of their inheritance.

³³ In egotistic people, we see an above-average superiority. We frequently pardon and thoroughly sympathize with them. We call them:

• ‘spirited’
• ‘magnanimous’
• ‘high-minded’.

But we cannot sympathize with egotistic people whom we see having no such superiority. We are disgusted and revolted by it. We call it pride or vanity.

³⁴ Pride and vanity resemble egotism, as both are modifications of it. In many respects, they are very different from one another.

The Proud Man vs The Vain Man

³⁵ The proud man is sincere and is convinced of his own superiority. He wishes you to view him as he really views himself.

If you do not respect him as he respects himself, he is more offended than mortified. He tries to maintain his assumed station, by making you know your own meanness instead of his superiority. He would rather mortify your self-esteem instead of exciting your esteem for himself.

³⁶ The vain man is not sincere.

He wishes you to view him in much more splendid colours than he can really view himself.

When you view him in different or proper colours, he is much more mortified than offended. He takes every opportunity to claim that character which he wants:

• by the most ostentatious exhibition of the good qualities which he tolerably possesses, and
• sometimes even by false pretensions to good qualities which he does not have.

He courts your esteem and flatters in order to be flattered. He tries to bribe you into a good opinion of him:

• by politeness and complaisance, and
• sometimes even by real and essential good offices often displayed with unnecessary ostentation.

³⁷ The vain man sees the respect given to:

• rank and fortune and
• talents and virtues.

He wishes to usurp these respects. His dress, equipage, and way of living all announce a higher rank and fortune than the actual. To support this foolish imposition for a few years, he often reduces himself to poverty and distress. However, as long as he can continue his expence, his vanity is delighted with viewing himself as how he imagines he has induced you to view him. This is perhaps the most common of all the illusions of vanity.

This is frequently attempted by:

• obscure strangers who visit foreign countries, or
• people from a remote province who visit their country’s capital for a short time.

The folly of the attempt is always very great. It is most unworthy of a man of sense. It may not be so great on such occasions and others. If their stay is short, they may escape any disgraceful detection. After indulging their vanity for a few months or years, they may:

• return to their own homes and
• repair the waste of their past profusion by future parsimony.

³⁸ The proud man can very seldom be accused of this folly. His sense of his own dignity renders him careful to preserve his independency. If his fortune is not large, he studies to be frugal and attentive in all his expences, though he wishes to be decent.

The vain man’s ostentatious expence is highly offensive to him. Perhaps it outshines his own. It provokes his indignation as an insolent assumption of a rank which is not due. He never talks of it without loading it with the harshest and severest reproaches.

³⁹ The proud man does not always feel at his ease in the company of his equals. He feels less at east in the company of his superiors. He cannot lay down his lofty pretensions.

The countenance and conversation of such company overawe him so much that he dare not display them. He has recourse to the humbler company of his inferiors, flatterers, and dependants, which:

• he has little respect for,
• he would not willingly choose, and
• is not agreeable to him.

He seldom visits his superiors. If he does, it is to show that he is entitled to live in such company, than for his real satisfaction in it. It is as Lord Clarendon says of the Earl of Arundel: