THE PRACTICE OF MANTRA

In my early days as a disciple, I often felt unsure of myself because of my inexperience and sometimes doubted my judgement about how to do the practices correctly.

In April of 1954, I was bothered by a somewhat embarrassing question. Before and while going to the toilet, I did not use or practice either guru mantra or iista mantra.

There was the feeling in my mind as to how I could invoke guru mantra or repeat iista mantra for such a dirty place and occasion while I was in the toilet.

One day, without my ever having mentioned my dilemma, Baba enquired, “Why don’t you take guru mantra before going to the toilet and iista mantra while you are in the toilet? “

I already had negative ideas on the subject, so I said, “Baba, these mantras are such pure and high and great thing, how can I use them in that dirty place?”

He smiled and said, “Nagina, this is an expression of the feeling of hatred. Hatred is a bondage. This has also to be overcome, and how can you overcome it without the help of guru mantra and iista mantra? Wherever there is pressure of such feelings like hatred, etc there the use of guru mantra is all the more necessary. When the whole of this creation is in Parama Purusa how you will hate this thing or that?”

These words of Baba opened up my inner eyes, and since then I started using guru mantra and iista mantra on these occasions also.

DO PRANAM WITHOUT DESIRE

One day, I was sitting at Baba’s feet with a few other brother disciples and Baba said, “A disciple should always bow to the guru with a vacant mind. The guru knows everything about who requires what and when."

I had in fact been doing my sastaunga pranam at Baba’s lotus feet with a vacant mind, and that this was correct was confirmed by Baba that day. Even so I began to think whether Baba had been directing this admonition specifically towards me and whether there was some trace of a desire in my mind at the time of doing pranam. But I could not recall anything.

Later on I came to know that Shri Lalanji had a special desire and prayed in his mind for the fulfillment of that desire as he did sastaunga pranam. However, since the time I heard these words from Baba, my mind automatically feels completely empty and surrendered when doing pranam to Him.

KUMUD GETS AN EXTENSION OF LIFE

On the evening of the first Saturday of November 1954, I went to Jamalpur for Baba’s darshan.

After darshan and doing my sastaunga pranam Baba blessed me and I accompanied Him on His walk.I stayed that night at Bindeshwariji’s place and in the morning at about 9 o’clock we were relaxing in the courtyard.

We looked up and to our astonishment saw Baba entering the compound. Our surprise and happiness knew no bounds, and as Baba came a few steps inside, I rushed barefoot and did my pranam by touching His feet. I had hardly got up when Bindeshwariji also came running and bowed and touched His feet.

Observing us, Kumud, Bindeshwariji’s eldest daughter ran to Baba and placed her head on His feet. At that time she was about eight but she had not been initiated. We asked Baba to please bless the house by coming into the sitting room for some time.

But Baba stood outside and replied, “No, I was coming in this direction and thought that I should tell you that I will not be able to come to the railway quarter today. You can meet me at my house at about four in the afternoon. I also wanted to see Bindeshwariji’s house, so I dropped by”.

Bindeshwariji again requested Baba to kindly enter and bless his house, but Baba replied, “Some other day” and began to leave.

We went up to the road to see Baba off and Baba was kind enough to inquire about the little girl who had also done her pranam along with us. I told Him that she was Bindeshwariji’s eldest daughter. Baba told Bindeshwariji to get her initiated quickly as the girl had a short life. We again touched Baba’s feet and He blessed us and left for His home.

In the afternoon, my mentor Shrii Chandranathji and two other senior brother disciples came there. We exchanged greetings and I enquired about their welfare.

Shrii Chandranathji said, “These people want to ask you something. Kindly answer them.

They have brought me along as they do not know you well”.

I said, “I do not think that I know anything of value to them, But as it is your request, I shall endeavour to reply their questions to the best of my ability.

They asked, “What is your mode of propagation of the ideal that so many people are inspired to take initiation? You come once a week and hand over a list to Baba and His mornings and evenings are completely booked for the next week.

We also try, but none gets ready and even if someone gets ready, Baba says, ‘There is no time. Nagina has got the whole week booked already’. This has been happening for many weeks. As a result, one or two whom we prepare for initiation lose interest due to delay in fixing their time”.

What could I reply to such questions as these? I said, “Only Chandranathji can reply satisfactorily to these questions. I put Baba’s ideals before people in the same way he brought me to Baba’s shelter.

I always remember Baba while speaking about His ideals. Those who like these ideals insist on taking initiation and I put their names before Baba. I follow Baba’s instructions and never say anything about Him directly - and as far as I understand Baba himself spreads His ideals, we are only His mediums.” They then enquired from Chandranathji about how to convince others.

Chandranathji passed the ball back to me and said, “In the true sense, he (meaning myself) also is my means of propagation of the ideal. Now he is crediting me for his efforts, but still he is doing most of the work”.

This was a kind gesture of Chandranathji and these senior brothers, that they came to ask me about my mode of pracar. Really speaking, I was always eager to learn it from them. I was always the least disciplined, worthless disciple.

I was like amischievous student who always prefers to sit on the last seat of the last row in the class ! Chandranathji always encouraged me by bringing me to the front. At four in the afternoon we went to Baba’s house and had His darshan and did pranam to Him.

He talked to us for some time and then said to me “If you are not returning to Begusarai, you can accompany me for field walk in the evening”. I felt very happy to think that I again had an opportunity to spend some more time with Baba.

When we returned from seeing Baba I saw that Bindeshwariji was a little worried. I enquiried and he said that he was thinking about his daughter, Kumud, because in the morning Baba had talked about her short life. I consoled him, ”When we go to see Baba today we shall raise this topic. You get an appointment with Baba for her initiation. When Baba has been kind enough to warn you, He will surely also suggest some remedy”.

Then I told Bindeshwariji how Baba had saved my daughter from the jaws of death, and said, “Then why worry for her?”

At the usual time in the evening we again went to Baba’s residence and had His darshan and did our sastaunga pranam. We then walked towards the field along with Baba. After reaching the field Baba sat on the grave and asked us also to sit there. We sat on both sides of Baba. There, Bindeshwariji requested for the initiation of his daughter Kumud.

Baba said, “I shall spare some time and do it early. Why do you bother?” After this we did not ask any further questions about her.

That evening we sat for about three hours and listened to His teachings. While returning from the field when we came near the Jubilee Well, Baba asked us to return home.

Bindeshwariji’s residence is very near the Jubilee Well. We again touched His feet and returned to Bindeshwariji’s residence. Later on, Baba Himself went and initiated Bindeshwariji’s daughter at his residence. That girl is fortunate enough to be still alive and is happy today with her children and family. Great is Baba’s mercy and grace, which are not dependent on any cause.