Master's renunciation

September 2

After finishing his midday meal Sri Ramakrishna sat on the small couch and talked to Dr. Bhagavan Rudra and M. Rakhal, Lātu, and other devotees were in the room. The physician heard all about the Master’s illness. Sri Ramakrishna came down to the floor and sat near the doctor.

MASTER: “You see, medicine does not agree with me. My system is different.

“Well, what do you think of this? When I touch a coin my hand gets twisted; my breathing stops. Further, if tie a knot in the comer of my cloth, I cannot breathe. My breathing stops until the knot is untied.”

The Master asked a devotee to bring a rupee. When Sri Ramakrishna held it in his hand, the hand began to writhe with pain. The Master’s breathing also stopped. After the coin had been taken away, he breathed deeply three times and his hand relaxed. The doctor became speechless with wonder to see this strange phenomenon.

The doctor said to M., “Action on the nerves.”

MASTER (to the doctor): “I get into another state of mind. It is impossible for me to lay up anything. One day I visited Sambhu Mallick’s garden house. At that time I had been suffering badly from stomach trouble. Sambhu said to me: Take a grain of opium now and then. It will help you.’ He tied a little opium in a corner of my cloth. As I was returning to the Kāli temple, I began to Vander about near the gate as if unable to find the way. Then I threw the opium away and at once regained my normal state. I returned to the temple garden.“One day at Kamarpukur I picked some mangoes. I was carrying them home. But I could not walk; I had to stay standing in one place. Then I left the mangoes in a hollow. Only after that could I return home. Well, how do you explain that?”

DOCTOR: “There is a force behind it. Will-force.”

M: “He [meaning the Master] says that it is God-force. You say that it is will-force.”

MASTER (to the doctor): “Again, I get into such a state of mind that if someone says I am better, I at once feel much better. The other day the brahmani said: ‘You are fifty per cent better.’ At once I began to dance.”

Sri Ramakrishna was much pleased with the physician. He said to him: “You have a very fine nature. There are two characteristics of knowledge: a peaceful nature and absence of pride.”

M:. “The doctor has lost his wife.”

MASTER (to the doctor): “I say that God can be realized if one feels drawn to Him by the intensity of these three attractions: the child’s attraction for the mother, the husband’s attraction for the chaste wife, and the attraction of worldly possessions for the worldly man. “Please cure me of my illness.”

The doctor was going to examine the Master’s throat Sri Ramakrishna was seated in a chair on the semicircular porch. eferring to Dr. Sarkar, the Master said: “He is a villain. He pressed my tongue as if I were a cow.”

DOCTOR: “He didn’t hurt you purposely.”

MASTER: “No, he pressed the tongue to make a thorough examination.”

Sunday, September 20, 1885

Sri Ramakrishna was sitting in his room, surrounded by devotees. Nava-Gopal, Haralal, Rakhal, Lātu, and others were present. A goswami who was a musician was also there.

M. arrived with Dr. Rakhal of Bowbazar. The physician began to examine the Master. He was a stout person and had rather thick fingers.

MASTER (smiling, to the physician): “Your fingers are like a wrestler’s. Mahendra Sarkar also examined me. He pressed my tongue so hard that it hurt me. He pressed my tongue the way they press a cow’s.”

DOCTOR: “I shall not hurt you, sir.”

The physician made out his prescription. Sri Ramakrishna was talking.MASTER (to the devotees): “Well, people ask why, if I am such a holy person, I should be ill.”

TĀRAK: “Bbagavan Das Babaji, too, was ill and bed-ridden a long time.”

MASTER: “But look at Dr. Madhu. At the age of sixty he carries food to the house of his mistress; and he has no illness.”

GOSWAMI: “Sir, your illness is for the sake of others. You take upon yourself the sins of those who come to you. You fall ill because you accept their sins.”

A DEVOTEE: “You will soon be cured if only you say to the Divine Mother, ‘Mother, please make me well.’ "

Master could not ask God to cure him

MASTER: “I cannot ask God to cure my disease. The attitude of the servant-master relationship is nowadays less strong in me.

Once in a while, I say, ‘O Mother, please mend the sheath of the sword a little.’ But such prayers are also becoming less frequent. Nowadays I do not find my ‘I’; I see that it is God alone who resides in this sheath.”

The goswami had been invited to sing kirtan. A devotee asked, “Will there be any kirtan?” Sri Ramakrishna was ill, and all were afraid that the kirtan might throw his mind into ecstasy and thus aggravate the illness.

Sri Ramakrishna said: “Let there be a little singing. All are afraid of my going into ecstasy. Spiritual emotion hurts the throat.”

The goswami began the kirtan. Sri Ramakrishna could not control himself. He stood up and began to dance with the devotees. The physician watched the whole scene.

A hired carriage was waiting for Dr. Rakhal. He and M. were ready to leave for Calcutta. They saluted the Master. Sri Ramakrishna said to M. affectionately, “Have you had your meal?”

Thursday, September 24, 1885

It was the night of the full moon. Sri Ramakrishna was sitting on the small couch. He was very ill. M. and some other devotees were sitting on the floor.

MASTER (to M.): “Every now and then I think that the body is a mere pillow-case. The only real substance is the Indivisible Satchidananda.

“When I go into divine ecstasy this illness of the throat remains away from me. I am now somewhat in that mood and so I feel like laughing.“Some ladies of Dwija’s family arrived. They saluted the Master and sat on one side.

Pointing to one of the ladies, Sri Ramakrishna asked: “Who is this lady? Is it she who brought up Dwija? Why has Dwija bought an ektara?”

M: “It has two strings, sir.”

MASTER: “Dwija’s father is opposed to his views. Won’t other people criticize him? It is wise for him to pray to God secretly.”

A picture of Gaurānga and Nitai hung on the wall of the Master’s room. It was a picture of the two brothers singing devotional songs with their companions at Navadvip.

RAMLAL (to the Master): “Then may I give him [meaning M.] the picture?”

MASTER: “Yes.”

Sri Ramakrishna was then under Dr. Pratap’s treatment. He awoke at midnight and felt extremely restless. Harish, his attendant was in the room. Rakhal also was there. Ramlal was asleep on the verandah.

The Master remarked later on: “I was feeling extremely restless. I felt like embracing Harish. They rubbed a little medicinal oil on my head. Then I began to dance.”