Empowered

I become a different man

Ydrefors, Sweden, 1979. Today I took up my temporary duties here as acharya trainer.

Dada Dhrtibodhananda has been reposted back to India. His replacement will come “as soon as possible”—but exactly who that will be and when is unclear. In the meantime, I am to keep the ship afloat.

We have two buildings, five minutes walk apart from each other, which separately house the sisters and brothers—about forty trainees total, mostly from Europe, North America and South America. We are deep in a lonely but beautiful forest in southern Sweden, idyllic for meditation and self¬development.

Just after I arrived, I was sitting with Dada Dhrtibodhananda, and a senior avadhuta, Dada K. There was a knock on the door and a German trainee entered, looking sad and confused.

“Excuse me, Dadas… I want to go home,” he said. “I for my mother worry…”

“Yes, alright…,” began Dhrtibodhanandaji.

“Sorry for interrupting you,” I said softly, “but now I am the trainer, so I’ll have to handle the matter.” I turned to the trainee. “Please wait outside, and I’ll call you. I came only five minutes ago, so I need a bit of time.”

He went out and shut the door.

46 At that time there were four such centers in the world: Benares, Nepal, the Philippines and Sweden. The Sweden program had been started several years before by Dada Dhrtibodhananda. The training center in Nepal has since been closed and new ones opened in Africa and India.

“Don’t imagine that there’s any way that brother can become an acharya,” said Dada K. “Better to release him immediately. This talk of his mother is just an excuse; he knows very well that the organization is ready to look after her needs. He simply feels insecure.”

“Yes, he’s been depressed for days now,” said Dhrtibodhanandaji, “I’m sure he’s finished.”

“I respect you both highly,” I said. “But whether I like it or not, Baba has now entrusted me with this duty. So I shall see for myself when I speak to him.”

“Try if it pleases you,” said Dada K, “but there’s no hope.”

I was feeling different than I had ever felt in my life. The change was both odd and sudden. From the moment I’d arrived, there had been a kind of buzzing in my brain, though my perception was sharp, abnormally sharp. (As I write these words, it is now late night, and the buzzing continues. For the first time in my life I feel in total command of myself, able to follow perfectly all our disciplines, both physical and mental. It is clear that He has directly empowered me with the capacity to properly guide these trainees. I am a different man now.)

We continued speaking for half an hour, then I left the room to deal with the German brother. He was sitting on a bench with his head between his knees. I had met him several times before. I remembered that he was sometimes high-strung and at other times very calm—an independent type, with a character of his own.

I put my hand on his back and said in a low voice, “Brother…”

He raised his head. His eyes were red, and tears were streaming down his face.

“Dadaji, please … let me leave….” His voice choked.

“I won’t stop you from going. But…” My head was empty. Abruptly a thought appeared. “But first consider one simple question: will Baba be happy if you leave?”

He stared at me. After a moment, his crying stopped, and he said, “No, He wouldn’t like it.”

“Then, what do you really want to do? Do you want to please Him. or do you want to do something else?”

“Of course I want to please Him.”

“Then, how about staying another few days? You can leave anytime, but once you’re gone it’s difficult to come back.”

“Okay,” he said, sitting straight. “I’ll stay. At least for a few days.” 47

The Problem-Maker is also the Solution-Giver

Circumstances compelled the two Dadas to leave rather hastily so I was unable to get a comprehensive picture of the trainees or the training center.

I called in the office secretary and asked him how much money we had in the account.

“I’m sorry, Dada. I don’t have any money.”

“What do you mean? Is there no money here?”

“Well, if you don’t have any, and I don’t have any, then maybe there isn’t any,” he said grinning. A typical response of a devotee—to smile in the face of a giant problem.

“Yeah, well, thanks,” I said. “Please leave me for a while so I can think.”

I sat alone looking at the walls of my room. But I didn’t feel alone. My head was still buzzing pleasantly, and I had the uncanny feeling that I was inside Baba’s breast. I felt pure, unafraid, and sure that He would solve any and every problem.

This room’s messy, I thought. Before thinking of anything, I should clean it up.

After working for an hour, I opened a cupboard. It was full of the trainees’ legal documents and other personal effects. While putting these in order I came upon a wallet stuffed with 700 Swedish kroner. There was no identification.

Could this be Baba’s little help1 1 thought.

I questioned the trainees but no one knew its owner.

Thanks. But of course that’s only a start.

Two days later. This morning a Norwegian brother approached me. “Dadaji, I need your advice. A few weeks ago the postman delivered 4000 kroner to me. But when he wrote up the account, instead of subtracting the amount, he added it. So, I now hold a credit for 8000 kroner. What should I do?”

47 The proof of this pudding lies not only in the fact that he later became acharya, but that presently, i.e., more than ten years later, as an avadhuta, he is a top-class worker named Dada Vijaksarananda.

I started laughing and he joined me, guffawing with gusto.

“Usually I would inform the post office of their mistake,” I said. “But in this case we better not make it too hard for Baba to help us tide over our little crisis. If they want to give the money. I’m willing to temporarily accept it — and pay it back to the post office later. If such an act causes me to undergo some negative reaction for the benefit of the training center — so be it.”

And so our piggy-bank became full.

Three days later. “Dadaji,” said an American trainee, “I never expected a tax rebate from last year, but today 9000 kroner arrived for me. Please take it for the training center.”

A bit excessive grace. Baba, but… what’s that You say? … no, it’s no problem, no problem. We’ll be glad to accept it… (After all, you never know if tomorrow He’ll enjoy Himself thoroughly by smashing our car or something like that.)

Tantric cows

Every time I walk between the brothers’ and sisters’ training centers, I get a supra-aesthetic thrill from the landscape. On one side of the street is a dense forest, packed with eerie vibes. On the other side, adjacent to the brothers’ house, is a large cow pasture, which is dotted with giant boulders of interesting shapes that I can only label Tantric. I feel so happy here.

The cows, too, are special. Whenever the brothers sing kiirtan, all twenty cows mosey over toward our house and crowd themselves in the tiny corner of the pasture which is closest to the meditation room. There they remain chewing their cuds for the duration of each kiirtan, even daily akhanda kiirtan. 48

,s Akhanda means long. Akhanda kiirtan is always performed in multiples of three hours, for example 3, 6, 9, 12, or 24 hours. There is no limit to how long it continues. The dancers participate according to their interest, or in some cases certain groups are assigned certain times. Generally, everyone who participates becomes greatly inspired by the end of akhanda kiirtan. It is common that new meditators who have never been able to concentrate effectively will come to know for the first time what a tranquil mind feels like during long kiirtan. Even physical problems and difficult mental problems are often mysteriously overcome through the immense positive energy generated by akhanda kiirtan.