I Am Tempted To Smoke

During training I used to see everyone smoking. This urged me to start smoking again.

I had given up smoking after the punishment that Baba had given me. But this desire began to grow in this company.

The more I tried to suppress it, the stronger it became.

This continued for days until felt that it could no longer be suppressed.

Whenever this desire became strong, I would always pray to Baba that he may protect my helpless self from resuming smoking. But all my prayers failed.

I thought many times that I should buy cigarettes and stealthily smoke. But if I began this habit again, then it will never die.

Sometimes when I saw someone smoking a cigarette, I felt like borrowing one from him to smoke. But my shyness prevented my from doing so.

One day I asked for a cigarette from my friend devout Muslim friend from Bihar who used to smoke.

He now began to plead, “You have given up smoking as a result of a vow taken by you after your guru punished you. How then are you thinking like this? Please try to keep your vow.”

In spite of my insistent request he did not give me a cigarette. Now I began to keep all my money with him so that I could not buy cigarettes. Whenever I asked for money from him, in a very gentle and cultured way he would first ascertain my needs and would supply me with these things immediately.

But he never allowed me to handle cash. Now he became extra cautious that I might not buy and smoke cigarettes.

He became so alert that he informed other trainees also that I should never smoke.

Many times I tried to buy cigarettes. But every time, some unknown power created some obstacle and I had to give up my plans.

One day oppressed by intense desires I beseeched Baba that He may kindly help me from descending into hell again.

Baba miraculously graced me and the desire to smoke ended forever.

After a lot of mental clash I realised that on the one hand Baba was aggravating my desire like a homeopathic medicine dose and on the other hand He was the unseen person who helped me to overcome my temptation.

Not only this, He had inspired my companion to watch me cautiously and through this medium was reminding me of my vow and was again educating me in this regard. Great is the liila of the Lord and great are His ways of saving His disciples from a fall.