THE REJECTION OF MY SECOND APPEAL

Doing these days my second appeal was rejected in April so I felt very sad.

So I wrote to Baba asking whether the samskaras were so strong that guru and God were both helpless before their power.

Why do people forget the guru and God and give more importance to karma and samskaras?

Baba replied:

After reading Baba’s letter I again became active and optimistic and became involved in my job and in my work of the Marga. A few days after the receipt of this letter, Baba’s Ananda Vanii for the Ananda Purnima of 1956 also came which said:

“Every sadhaka (aspirant) is a soldier. The symbols of their progress are the hurts received from thorns by the march on the difficult path. Their victory is the collective welfare of the world.”

Anandamurti Ananda Purnima 1956

By the middle of 1956, immorality was on the increase, hence this message of Baba’s not only encouraged sadhakas to lead a moral life, but also gave them strength to fight immorality. Baba’s message was timely.

My Posting To Dalmianagar

After a few days, my contacts with Margii brothers became less and less. I was transferred to Dalmianagar in the first week of June.

There the problems were so constant that I was busy in tackling them.

In this new place, my wife’s health deteriorated further. Now and then, I had to rush to Patna with her. I had informed Baba about this through a letter.

His message said that I have to correct the whole situation from that place.

I said I would not take any decisive step so long as the department does not fix a definite policy for Dalmianagar.

It was under the jurisdiction of the Superintendent at Gaya who was very simple Margii and was very scared of the atmosphere at Dalmianagar.

Officers of my department regarded Dalmianagar as a black hole in those days, which would darken my reputation.

Anyway, keeping Baba foremost in my thoughts, I started my work. Meanwhile, our department head thought of visiting the city on tour, and he gave me five minutes to discuss the situation of Dalmianagar at a meeting at eight in the morning. I reached the Circuit House of Gaya at the appointed time.

We were discussing matters in English I have therefore recorded his words as such. He told me that at one time, he had also been initiated into Ananda Marga but be could not do sadhana properly.

I advised him to meet has acarya again After his return from Gaya, whenever my departmental head would see a report from some senior officer, he would ask what is the report on Nagina on this subject? And after seeing my views, he would reject others and agree with me.

Now I was asked to attend a conference connected with Dalmianagar, on behalf of my department. Everyone was wondering as to what Nagina has done to him in these five hours that he would reject every ones’ views and accent mine. Just within a few months of our meeting, this gentlemen sought retirement. I was all along feeling that Baba was helping me at every step and where my intellect failed he gave me new ideas was it not the grace of Baba that I could continue discussion with this temperamental and snobbish man for five hours.

My days continued to pass in this manner so I tried to solve the departmental problems there. Meanwhile my economic condition continued to deteriorate due to the illness of my wife.

I had no other recourse except to inform Baba about my personal problems. Baba’s letter was as follows:

“Dear Nagina, The reason of your mental agonies and family trouble is that you are careless in money matters. You should therefore give more stress to aparigraha. Think a thousand times before you spend a single pie”.

With my love to you Your well-wisher Anandamurti 24-8-56

I was very much worried to read Baba’s letter was true to the last syllable. But would it be possible for me to follow the spirit of these instructions?

I was also helpless before my nature. But how was I to ignore it? Baba gave me the heart and mentality of a king and means of a beggar. Now how to bring balance between these two? Baba had correctly written that this was the cause of my painful career.

Now I am in the evening of my life and when I look back I find that at every stage I have passed through great economic problems. It appears that the rest of my life will also he spent amidst economic problems by Baba’s grace. Why should it not be so? Baba has said in his message that “suffering is your asset’’.

Although I remember Baba very much when I am in trouble, but when troubles came in succession, whether they are regarding material, mental or spiritual matters, they do drag the mind in crudeness. This makes one uncivilized, hard, pessimistic and angry. My prayer it that Baba may protect me from this crudity.

In Mithilii the beautiful poetry of the poet Vidyapati is very popular and the following song of his is sung by all with great emotion when one is passing through dark days of life:

“Kakhan haraba dukho mor he bholanath?” O Lord Shiva, when will you remove my sufferings? Now in the evening of my life I recite this song with every beat Of my heart before Baba Oh Lord take away the Crudity of my mind. I know none else except you. I surrender to you.

Spiritualist may take pity on my condition! But those engrossed in the world will never understand my condition. Struggle is Sadhana. Therefore, though in poverty, I began to make efforts to somehow meet with my difficult situations. The only support was the blessings received from Baba in his letter. Whenever I felt disturbed I would reread the letters received from Baba. This would give me some cordage and I would again plunge into work.

Thus, by the month of September all the problems of the new place were sorted out. Now, I was feeling restless there in the absence of the atmosphere of Marga. Therefore, one evening while alone began to pray to Baba that my work there was over and now let me be transferred to a place where I can get Margii atmosphere. I would be able to forget my worries amidst Margii brothers.

POSTED BACK TO MUZAFFARPUR

Baba heard my ardent prayer and I was surprised when the next day at 4 p.m. in the afternoon, my superior officer from Patna told me on the telephone that another officer was being posted at Dalmianagar, and he wanted to know whether I would like to be posted back to Muzaffarpur.

He communicated my desire to my boss and within 2 days orders came for my transfer to Muzaffarpur: I reached Muzaffarpur in the first week of October.

Even after coming to Muzaffarpur, my family problems continued but I was in the midst of Margii brothers and atmosphere, therefore my mind continued to flow towards spirituality. Even so hard realities would sometime strike me harshly. In such astate of mind, I once thought that I should take this matter of my reversion to a court of law. My well-wishers in the department also had the same viewpoint. The problem was that those who were junior to me once, had become my bosses and it was hard to keep contact with them. It was to their credit that they respected me, even so I felt very much my own degradation. This was due to my human weakness.

Now it appeared to me as if I had submitted to injustice and therefore I began to curse myself for it. When I consulted my well-wishers in the department I would think of challenging them in a court of law. But at this time that portion of my mind that was under the influence of vidya and was devoted to the lotus feet of Baba, felt determined as to why should I not consult Baba in this regard and then proceed further accordingly. I therefore, wrote a letter to Baba on this subject in the month of November and began to wait for his instructions.

Soon came Baba’s reply like this:

GURU STRICTLY PRIVATE Jamalpur 26.11.56

Nagina,

Do not file any suit. Just obey the orders of your departmental authorities and acquire experience from the circumstances created thereby. This experience will be of immense value, more valuable then the post of superintendent. At that time you will realise that such a course was not at all an act of surrender before injustice – it is what may be correctly defined as to bow down for lighting the weapon. Anandamurti 26.11.56

After receiving this letter from Baba I tried that I should forget this sorrowful chapter of life altogether although it took lot of time to do so. I was always conscious that I may drive out the memory of this event from my memory and that is what happened after sometime through Baba’s Grace.