THE REJECTION OF MY SECOND APPEAL

THE REJECTION OF MY SECOND APPEAL

Doing these days my second appeal was rejected in April. I felt very sad to learn about this.

I do not know why I did not feel such pain even when I was first demoted or when my first appeal was rejected.

In this state of mind I wrote a letter to Baba, the substance of which was whether the samskaras were so strong that guru and God were both helpless before their power? If this is so, then that is why people forget the guru and God and begin to give more importance to karma and samskaras. Kindly do not allow so much importance to gain ground, otherwise humanity will repeat its mistakes again.

Baba sent me a reply, which is highly educative, and encouraging and which redressed my mental torture:

“Samskaras cannot be stronger than Cosmic Consciousness. When unit consciousness start its march towards the Supreme Self – the Cosmic Consciousness, it advances through fight against avidya and bhoga of its prarabdha. Its march is the march of a solider undaunted and unbaffled. It gets the final rest when crowned with victory – the feeling of oneness with Him, earned by the heroic spirit both in the inner and outer, spheres of life “ Anandamurti

27.4.56After reading Baba’s letter I again became active and optimistic and became involved in my job and in my work of the Marga. A few days after the receipt of this letter, Baba’s Ananda Vanii for the Ananda Purnima of 1956 also came which said: “Every sadhaka (aspirant) is a soldier. The symbols of their progress are the hurts received from thorns by the march on the difficult path. Their victory is the collective welfare of the world.” Anandamurti Ananda Purnima 1956

It is not easy to grasp fully the significance of Revered Baba’s messages. Even so I give below what I understood of the above message.

The life of a sadhaka like that of a soldier is really full of difficulties and pains. Sadhana is a process to rise above pains and pleasure. Therefore a good Sadhaka alone can be a good soldier. The soldier of a sadhaka advances smilingly on the most difficult terrain as he fights against all types of odds. Difficulties are only signposts of his success and are good indications of his progress. A good soldier is always thinking of the collective welfare and with this object in view, he advances further. Surely success will come to such a soldier. This message of Baba encouraged all the sadhakas immensely. Without courage neither a soldier nor a sadhaka can progress forward. By the middle of 1956, immorality was on the increase, hence this message of Baba’s not only encouraged sadhakas to lead a moral life, but also gave them strength to fight immorality. Baba’s message was timely.

MY POSTING TO DALMIANAGAR

But after a few days, such was Baba’s will, that my contacts with Margii brothers became less and less. I was transferred to Dalmianagar in the first week of June.

There the problems were so constant that I was busy in tackling them. In this new place, my wife’s health deteriorated further, and now and then I had to rush to Patna with her. I had informed Baba about this through a letter. Even so, now and then I did manage to take some time for Marga work. But success in this work at this time was negligible. There were so many problems that I wrote to Baba that I was thinking to ask for a transfer and asked for His advice.

There came a message from Him that I have to correct the whole situation from that place. I said I would not take any decisive step so long as the department does not fix a definite policy for Dalmianagar. It was under the jurisdiction of the Superintendent at Gaya. He was very simple Margii and was very scared of the atmosphere at Dalmianagar. Officers of my department regarded Dalmianagar as a black hole in those days, which would darken my reputation.

Anyway, keeping Baba foremost in my thoughts, I started my work. Meanwhile, our department head thought of visiting the city on tour, and he gave me five minutes to discuss the situation of Dalmianagar at a meeting at eight in the morning. I reached the Circuit House of Gaya at the appointed time.

At eight I presented myself before my head. I remembered Baba and began to talk about the administration at Dalmianagar. I had only mentioned a few things and my five minutes were over and therefore I stopped. When my boss enquired as to why I had stopped, I pointed out that my time was over. He asked me to resume.

Again I remembered Baba. During this discussion, when some messenger entered from another officer, my boss felt very annoyed. There were others waiting for consultation, but he did not heed this. Even so, it was good of my boss that he started to agree withme. That day, five minutes extended into five hours. My discussion with this boss for such a long time was a mater of wonder. My departmental colleagues or even very senior officers used to get hardly ten minutes with him. All this was possible only through Baba’s grace. At the end of the discussion, my boss enquired about my personal well being. I told him that you have put me from frying pan into the fire and now are enquiring about my welfare. I was happy at Muzaffarpur and you transferred me within 6 months to Dalmianagar. He said that the chaos there forced me to put you to this inconvenience. Then he enquired as to how be could help me now? I said, “ Excuse me Sir, I do not rely on help from man. Man himself is miserable. What help can be one man render to another man?” As I said this be got up from his chair and embraced me and said, “ I wish I could have this much mental strength in me”.

We were discussing matters in English I have therefore recorded his words as such. He told me that at one time, he had also been initiated into Ananda Marga but be could not do sadhana properly. I advised him to meet has acarya again After his return from Gaya, whenever my departmental head would see a report from some senior officer, he would ask what is the report on Nagina on this subject? And after seeing my views, he would reject others and agree with me.

Now I was asked to attend a conference connected with Dalmianagar, on behalf of my department. Everyone was wondering as to what Nagina has done to him in these five hours that he would reject every ones’ views and accent mine. Just within a few months of our meeting, this gentlemen sought retirement. I was all along feeling that Baba was helping me at every step and where my intellect failed he gave me new ideas was it not the grace of Baba that I could continue discussion with this temperamental and snobbish man for five hours.

My days continued to pass in this manner so I tried to solve the departmental problems there. Meanwhile my economic condition continued to deteriorate due to the illness of my wife. Now I had no other recourse except to inform Baba about my personal problems. Baba letter was received quickly. The letter was as follows:

“Dear Nagina, The reason of your mental agonies and family trouble is that you are careless in money matters. You should therefore give more stress to aparigraha. Think a thousand times before you spend a single pie”. With my love to you Your well-wisher Anandamurti 24-8-56

I was very much worried to read Baba’s letter was true to the last syllable. But would it be possible for me to follow the spirit of these instructions? I was also helpless before my nature. But how was I to ignore it? Baba gave me the heart and mentality of a king and means of a beggar. Now how to bring balance between these two? Baba had correctly written that this was the cause of my painful career.Now I am in the evening of my life and when I look back I find that at every stage I have passed through great economic problems. It appears that the rest of my life will also he spent amidst economic problems by Baba’s grace. Why should it not be so? Baba has said in his message that “suffering is your asset’’. Although I remember Baba very much when I am in trouble, but when troubles came in succession, whether they are regarding material, mental or spiritual matters, they do drag the mind in crudeness. This makes one uncivilized, hard, pessimistic and angry. My prayer it that Baba may protect me from this crudity.

In Mithilii the beautiful poetry of the poet Vidyapati is very popular and the following song of his is sung by all with great emotion when one is passing through dark days of life:

“Kakhan haraba dukho mor he bholanath?” O Lord Shiva, when will you remove my sufferings? Now in the evening of my life I recite this song with every beat Of my heart before Baba Oh Lord take away the Crudity of my mind. I know none else except you. I surrender to you.

Spiritualist may take pity on my condition! But those engrossed in the world will never understand my condition. Struggle is Sadhana. Therefore, though in poverty, I began to make efforts to somehow meet with my difficult situations. The only support was the blessings received from Baba in his letter. Whenever I felt disturbed I would reread the letters received from Baba. This would give me some cordage and I would again plunge into work.

Thus, by the month of September all the problems of the new place were sorted out. Now, I was feeling restless there in the absence of the atmosphere of Marga. Therefore, one evening while alone began to pray to Baba that my work there was over and now let me be transferred to a place where I can get Margii atmosphere. I would be able to forget my worries amidst Margii brothers.

POSTED BACK TO MUZAFFARPUR Baba heard my ardent prayer and I was surprised when the next day at 4 p.m. in the afternoon, my superior officer from Patna told me on the telephone that another officer was being posted at Dalmianagar, and he wanted to know whether I would like to be posted back to Muzaffarpur. He communicated my desire to my boss and within two days orders came for my transfer to Muzaffarpur: I reached Muzaffarpur in the first week of October. Great is the Lord, and great are His ways of giving Grace. First the web of problems would torture the mind and then his kindness would bring peace and tranquillity Great is my Baba that he gives the taste of the bitter and the sweet in such harmonious succession. Even after coming to Muzaffarpur, my family problems continued but I was in the midst of Margii brothers and atmosphere, therefore my mind continued to flow towards spirituality. Even so hard realities would sometime strike me harshly. In such astate of mind, I once thought that I should take this matter of my reversion to a court of law. My well-wishers in the department also had the same viewpoint. The problem was that those who were junior to me once, had become my bosses and it was hard to keep contact with them. It was to their credit that they respected me, even so I felt very much my own degradation. This was due to my human weakness. Now it appeared to me as if I had submitted to injustice and therefore I began to curse myself for it. When I consulted my well-wishers in the department I would think of challenging them in a court of law. But at this time that portion of my mind that was under the influence of vidya and was devoted to the lotus feet of Baba, felt determined as to why should I not consult Baba in this regard and then proceed further accordingly. I therefore, wrote a letter to Baba on this subject in the month of November and began to wait for his instructions. Soon came Baba’s reply like this: GURU STRICTLY PRIVATE Jamalpur 26.11.56

Nagina,

Do not file any suit. Just obey the orders of your departmental authorities and acquire experience from the circumstances created thereby. This experience will be of immense value, more valuable then the post of superintendent. At that time you will realise that such a course was not at all an act of surrender before injustice – it is what may be correctly defined as to bow down for lighting the weapon. Anandamurti 26.11.56

After receiving this letter from Baba I tried that I should forget this sorrowful chapter of life altogether although it took lot of time to do so. I was always conscious that I may drive out the memory of this event from my memory and that is what happened after sometime through Baba’s Grace.