What is Abhiman?

Then in the evening Bindeshwariji brought Baba to see me.

When I started rising to do my pranam to Baba, He stopped me and asked me to remain lying. He sat down on a chair and told me that Bindeshwariji had told Him that I wanted to go home or to call my domestic assistant here.

I said, “Baba this would be difficult. Even though otherwise he is so kind to me”.

Bindeshwariji who was silent so far began to press Baba to ask me to remain there and that he would look after me well.

Then Baba went for His walk.

I was happy that I had to take no more medicines. But I was also afraid of my nausea and vomiting.

Meanwhile Bindeshwariji returned after seeing Baba off and brought one glass of mosambi with him.

As it was Baba’s order, I drank it but even then, all the time I was afraid that it might make me vomit again.

The third day also Bindeshwariji gave me mosambi juice many times in the day and I had no nausea or vomiting.

Now I was happy beyond measure. That day in the afternoon my fever was also down.

The fourth day I was completely all right and started eating also. By this prescription of Baba this peculiarity of mine never recurred.

Even when I fell ill with fever after that, my nausea and vomiting never reappeared.

After I recovered from the flu on this occasion, I was very weak and I could not go to see Baba for several days. During this period one of my brother disciples came to me about ten one night when he I was still awake.

He was from Jamalpur so I asked him where he had been so late in the night. He told me that he had been lucky to be with Baba on his evening walk and was returning from there.

He told me that somebody started talking about me to Baba at the tiger’s grave. Then Baba said:

I said to Bindeshwariji that it is natural for a disciple to feel proud of his guru.

Baba had used the term ‘abhiman’ for this which I did not understand.

When I was completely recovered, I went for Baba’s darshan at his residence. I went on a walk with him. At the grave, I mentioned this matter of ‘abhiman’ to Baba.

CHAYA MURTI OR SHADOW BODY

While in Jamalpur it was my daily practice to go to Baba’s residence every evening, do pranam to Him and then accompany Him on His walks.

This routine was disrupted only when I was out of Jamalpur, or was sick or if Baba cancelled His walk. One evening I accompanying Baba on His walk, but that day I felt as if Baba’s voice was somehow different.

I thought for a long time about why there could be a change in Baba’s voice, but could not come up with a satisfactory explanation. I thought at first that Baba may have a cold or a bad throat, but this was not substantiated by closer observation.

Listening to His unusual voice it came to my mind that Baba was perhaps somehow not in His own body. But though I looked at him again and again.

I found not the slightest change in the colour and shape of His body. Now how could I disbelieve my own eyes? Even so I still felt some uncertainty in my mind as to whether this was the real Baba before me. I had no courage to ask Baba about this however.

When I could detect no actual change in his appearance and shape, how could I then ask Him about it? Meanwhile Baba sat on the grave in the field.

Suddenly it occurred to me to ask Baba about kaya badha, (adopting a new body), and I asked a question regarding it.

That day, the whole time Baba sat on the grave, He continued to explain the theory of kaya badha.

In this context Baba also told about the adoption of new body by the great Indian philosopher and saint Shankaracharya.

While explaining this theory Baba used the term ‘chaya murti’.

Baba explained that a shadow body or ‘chaya murti’ is exactly like the original body.

In this case, the same person appears in the same body at more than one place. In that process, all the other bodies except the original, are called shadow bodies or “chaya murti”, and they look exactly the same as the original.

Baba explained the theory of creating the ‘chaya murti’, but I could not follow it.

Now came the time to return to the ashram. I did not ask anything more on this subject on the way back, but I was wondering whether I was with the main body or a shadow body that day.

The next day I again accompanied Baba on His walk. The feeling again haunted me that this was not Baba’s own body with me today.

This thought repeatedly arose in my mind and I could not suppress my curiosity on the subject.

When Baba arrived at the grave in the field and sat down there, I asked Him

“Suppose I do my pranam to your chaya murti, will this be accepted by the main body? Will a boon or blessing given by the chaya murti be as effective as that given by the original body?”

Even after this I could not gather courage to ask Baba whether that day I was with the main body or with his shadow body. That day I asked no other questions on the subject.

I was again with Baba on His walk the next day, and that day I felt as if I was with Baba’s main body. I have not been able to understand to this day why and how these feelings came. Yet I felt there was no difference in his voice this day.

After reaching the tiger’s grave in the field, Baba sat down. I was overwhelmed with curiosity as to whether for the last two days I had been with Baba’s main body or shadow body and so I asked Baba:

To satisfy my unspoken question, Baba replied,

I told Baba, “For the last two days this feeling was arising again and again in my mind that I was not with Baba’s real body.”

Baba asked, “Why?”

I said, “Both these days Your voice was somewhat different and was not natural”.

Baba looked at me and asked, “How?”

I said, “Your voice appeared to stick in the throat somehow.”

Baba said, “Yes”, and giving me a caressing slap on my cheeks, added, “Only those who know my voice very closely would be able to recognise any small difference in it. That means you recognise my real voice very well.”

After this, we did not discuss this topic again.