THE AFTERMATH

That night, I could not fall asleep the events of the evening began to come in my mind one after the other.

I recalled that at one point, in an attempt to loosen our hold on His feet, Baba had sent all five of us flat on the ground in one stroke and our grasp had been broken. At that time, Shri Kishanji was about forty, very strong and built like a wrstler. The rest of us were younger and all strong and well built.

Baba had had only one-eighth of the pranah remaining in His body then, and yet He was still so powerful that He knocked all five of us flat with one push. This gave me some indication of His physical strength and I realised that His powers were not onlyspiritual, but physical also. With thoughts like these running through my mind, I finally fell asleep.

The next day the news of this event spread amongst all the disciples. When Bindeshwariji came to know about it, he enquired about the three times when Baba had desired to give up his body and then appeared to concentrate deeply for some time.After some time he laughed in great delight telling us, “All this is the play of Giridhar Gopala (Krsna)”, meaning Baba.

He told us that on each of these occasions, he had also the feeling that his own body would not last and the thought of death had been strong in his mind. When Baba had given Bindeshwariji the gift of new life after the February DMC in Bhagalpur, Baba had said that He had given a portion of His own pranah and mind to him. It was, therefore, but natural that where the source from which he got his life was itself drying up, his condition would be the same. As on all these three occasions Baba kept me vocal and determined, all the disciple brothers were happy with me.

Shri Pranayji who had been with me at the time of the first incident on the 22nd March 1955 was also very happy, but he said, “You have asked for the boon for a very long time, will not Baba have difficulty in retaining the body for such a long time?” I said, “Dear brother, nothing had been premeditated or prepared in advance.

The situation was such that there was no time for thought or preparation. I mentioned fifty years on the spur of the moment, but this must also have happened according to Baba’s wish. All that I wanted was that Baba should continue to live. Whatever has happened, I am happy that Baba will retain His body for a long time now.” Baba was looking weak during His walk that evening, and was walking very slowly. When I enquired about His health, He said, “It will take some time before complete adjustment takes place between the body and the pranah.” As on every other day, Baba walked up to the field, took some rest on the grave and then returned.

After two days, I met the manager of the ashram and I talked with him about Baba’s health. He also agreed with me that Baba had become very weak and we should so plan that He may regain His full health as soon as possible. I insisted that if He permits, I shall arrange the supply of fruits that I may regularly send to Baba’s residence. He permitted me. I then, enquired that if permitted I may take milk and fruit juice to Baba’s office at lunchtime. He agreed on this also. Next day, I went to Monghyr and whatever juicy and other good fruits I could get, I brought them in a basket. As I returned, I was informed that the manager was searching for me.

Meanwhile, a senior brother disciple came to me and he called me aside and told me that I should not take fruits to Baba’s residence. He also said that when the manager talked about your fruit to Baba, while they were in office, Baba was very angry. If you take the fruit Baba will be very much annoyed.

I listened silently for some time, but: I did not agree with this. I said “Dear brother, I have brought these fruits for Baba alone and I would certainly like to take them to Him. It is up to Him to accept them or not. I shall not return them to the shop. It will be very kind of you if you also accompany me.”

But my brother disciple was not at all ready to accompany me. He was quite scared. Looking at him, I also felt worried for some time, but then it came to my mind that how others can make use of something which has come for Baba. I, therefore,strengthened my resolve and in the evening before Baba left for His walk, I was there at His residence with the basket of fruits. I left the basket in the car and instructed the driver that when I call you, you should bring this basket up to the door of Baba’s house and hand it over to me.

After waiting for some time Baba Himself opened the door. But unlike other days he did not sit on the chair, but said instead, “Let us go for a walk”. I said, “Let me do my pranam, Baba, kindly sit down”.

Baba said, “Let us go, you can do the pranam in the field”. I insisted on doing the pranam there and requested Baba to sit down for some time. Baba sat down and I did my pranam and Baba blessed me as usual and then I hurried to the door and standing at the door called the driver. He was already prepared and very soon he brought the basket and handed it over to me. I brought it in and asked Baba as to where should I place it?

Baba said in an angry tone, “Why have you brought it here?”

I said, “Baba now I have brought it. Kindly let me know where to place it? As the basket was heavy it began to slip from my hands and again I asked as to where I could put it. The basket again began to slip from my hands.

Baba then smilingly said “Put it on the bench in the side room.” I placed it as directed. Then Baba said, “Why did you bring these fruits without my permission?”

I confessed to my mistake. Baba then did not say anything. I asked Baba, Would you like to sit in the car which was standing outside”. He said “By using the car, no walk will be possible and walking is a medicine for me these days.”

I asked the driver to take back the car and I accompanied Baba on His walk.

That very week, on a particular day, Baba was to go to the house of a senior disciple brother. It was my responsibility to take Baba there. When Baba was returning from his house, I asked, “Can Kalpataru could also give physical things?” Baba said, “Yes”, but he explained further why this was not desirable.

Even years after this incident of 1st April 1955, Baba used to say, “Nagina’s victory and my defeat have given you Ananda Marga.” He has said this so often that people came to hear of it and on this account my name became well-known, although my face was familiar to but a few.

I was often sought out and asked about the event, and those who got hold of me wanted to hear every single detail.

After more than 30 years, the number of enquiries seems only to have increased, not dimished.

This fame was nothing that I desired, however, and it does not gratify me.

Instead it frightens me. In fact I go out of my way to avoid meeting new people, for fear that they may ask me about that occasion.Once there was a DMC at a dharmashala in Monghyr.

A stage had been prepared for Baba in the courtyard. But the crowd overflowed and some sat on the roof of the building, myself amongst them. A huge peepal tree grew in that courtyard, its branches overhanging the roof where we sat. At the end of His discourse, Baba said, “Nagina won and I lost, and this has given you Ananda Marga”.

Baba’s grace is indescribable. Everything He does Himself and gives credit to me. The largeness of His heart and his generosity is beyond all limit and feelings.

Taking shelter of this grace, I pray that He may always keep me - one who is engrossed in the illusions and attractions of this world - and who is nothing in himself - under his shelter.

I am bound to commit sins and faults as I am engrossed in illusions and in a man’s body -even so it is my strong desire that I may always take shelter in His lotus feet. I am waiting for that great day.

Prior to writing about this incident, and for that matter writing anything about

Baba, I have striven to surrender myself at His feet, in case even the slightest amount of ego might be present in the remotest corner of my mind. Only He can protect me from that great destruction. I pray iin humility that I may never forget His liila.