Rakhal's yearning for God
Table of Contents
Rakhal and M. were walking on the verandah to the east of Kāli Tapasvi’s room.Rakhal (earnestly): “M., let us practise sādhanā !
We have renounced home for good. When someone says, ‘You have not realized God by renouncing home; then why all this fuss?’, Narendra gives a good retort. He says, ‘Because we could not attain Ram, must we live with Shyam and beget children?’ Ah! Every now and then Narendra says nice things. You had better ask him.”
M: “What you say is right. I see that you too have become restless for God.”
M., how can I describe the state of my mind? Today at noontime I felt great yearning for the Narmada. M., please practise sādhanā ; otherwise you will not succeed. Even Sukadeva was afraid of this world. That is why immediately after his birth he fled the world. His father asked him to wait, but he ran straight away.
M: “Yes, the Yogopanishad describes how Sukadeva fled this world of māyā. It also describes Vyāsa’s conversation with Suka. Vyāsa asked his son to practise religion in the world. But Suka said that the one essential thing is the Lotus Feet of God. He also expressed his disgust with worldly men for getting married and living with women.”
Many people think that it is enough not to look at the face of a woman. But what will you gain merely by turning your eyes to the ground at the sight of a woman?
Narendra put it very well last night, when he said:
Woman exists for a man as long as he has lust. Free from lust, one sees no difference between man and woman.
M: “How true it is! Children do not see the difference between man and woman.”
Rakhal: “Therefore I say that we must practise spiritual discipline. How can one attain Knowledge without going beyond māyā?
“Let’s go to the big hall. Some gentlemen have come from Baranagore. Narendra is talking with them. Let’s go and listen to him.” M. did not enter the room. As he was pacing outside he overheard some of the conversation.
There is no fixed time or place for the Sandhya and other devotions.
Sir, can one realize God through spiritual practice alone?
Realization depends on God’s grace. Sri Krishna says in the Gitā: The Lord, O Arjuna, dwells in the hearts of all beings, causing them, by His māyā, to revolve as if mounted on a machine. Take refuge in Him with all thy heart, O Bharata. By His grace wilt thou attain Supreme Peace and the Eternal Abode.
Without the grace of God mere worship and prayer do not help at all. Therefore one should take refuge in Him.
It was dusk. The evening worship was over. The devotees, as usual, sang in chorus, “Jaya Śiva Omkara”. Afterwards they assembled in the room of the “Dānās”. M., too, was seated there. Prasanna was reading from the Guru Gitā. Narendra sang:
I salute the Eternal Teacher, who is the Embodiment of the Bliss of Brahman, The Essence of knowledge and liberation, the Giver of Supreme Joy;
Who is all-pervading, like the Ākāśa, and is the goal of the Vedānta’s teachings; Who is One, eternal, stainless, pure, and is the constant Witness of all things; Who dwells beyond all moods, transcending the three Gunās.
There is none, higher than the Guru, none better than the Guru; This is what Śiva has declared. I shall sing of the blessed Guru, the Supreme Brahman; I shall worship the blessed Guru, the Supreme Brahman; I shall meditate on the blessed Guru, the Supreme Brahman; I shall bow down to the blessed Guru, the Supreme Brahman.
As Narendra sang these verses from the Guru Gitā in his melodious voice, the minds of the devotees became steady, like a candle-flame in a windless place. Rakhal was seated in Kāli Tapasvi’s room.
Prasanna sat near him. M., too, was there.Rakhal had renounced the world, leaving behind his wife and child. A fire of intense renunciation burnt day and night in his heart. He was thinking seriously of going away, by himself, to the bank of the Narmada or some other holy place. Still, he was trying to persuade Prasanna not to run away from the monastery.
(to Prasanna): “Where do you want to go, running away from here? Here you are in the company of holy men. Wouldn’t it be foolish to run away from this? Where will you find another like Narendra?”
Prasanna: “My parents live in Calcutta. I am afraid of being drawn by their love: That is why I want to flee to a distant place.”
Can our parents love us as intensely as Gurumaharaj [meaning Sri Ramakrishna] did? What have we done for him, to deserve all this love? Why was he so eager for our welfare in body, mind, and soul? What have we done for him, to deserve all this?
Ah! Rakhal is right. Therefore a person like Sri Ramakrishna is described as the ‘Ocean of Mercy without any reason’.
Don’t you yourself feel like running away from here?
Yes, now and then I have a fancy to spend a few days on the bank of the Narmada. I say to myself, ‘Let me go to a place like that and practise sādhanā in a garden.’ Again, I feel a strong desire to practise the Panchatapa for three days. But I hesitate to live in a garden that belongs to worldly people.
Tārak and Prasanna were talking in the room of the “Dānās”. Tārak had lost his mother. His father, like Rakhal’s father, had married a second time. Tārak himself had married but had lost his wife. Now the monastery was his home. He too was trying to persuade Prasanna to live there.
I have neither jnāna nor prema. What have I in the world for a support?
It is no doubt difficult to attain jnāna; but how can you say you have no prema?
I have not yet wept for God. How can I say I have prema? What have I realized in all these days?
But you have seen the Master. And why do you say that you have no jnāna?
What sort of jnāna are you talking about? Jnāna means Knowledge. Knowledge of what? Certainly of God. But I am not even sure of the existence of God.
Yes, that’s true. According to the Jnāni, there is no God.
Ah! The Master used to say that those who seek God pass through the state that Prasanna is now experiencing. In that state sometimes one doubts the very existence of God. I understand that Tārak is now reading Buddhistic philosophy. That is why he says that according to the Jnāni God does not exist. But Sri Ramakrishna used to say that the Jnāni and the bhakta will ultimately arrive at the same destination.