Master's Great Suffering

M. was seated by his side. Sri Ramakrishna asked him by a sign to come nearer. The sight of his suffering was unbearable. In a very soft voice and with great difficulty he said to M:

“I have gone on suffering so much for fear of making you all weep. But if you all say: ‘Oh, there is so much suffering! Let the body die’, then I may give up the body.” These words pierced the devotees’ hearts. And he who was their father, mother, and protector had uttered these words! What could they say? All sat in silence. Some thought, “Is this another crucifixion-the sacrifice of the body for the sake of the devotees?” It was the dead of night. Sri Ramakrishna’s illness was taking a turn for the worse. The devotees wondered what was to be done. One of them left for Calcutta. That very night

Girish came to the garden house with two physicians, Upendra and Navagopal.

The devotees sat near the Master. He felt a little better and said to them: “The illness is of the body. That is as it should be; I see that the body is made of the five elements.“Turning to Girish, he said: “I am seeing many forms of God. Among them I find this one also [meaning his own form].”

Monday, March 15, 1886

About 7AM, Sri Ramakrishna felt a little better. He talked to the devotees, sometimes in a whisper, sometimes by signs. Narendra, Rākhāl, Lātu, M., Gopal of Sinthi, and others were in the room. They sat speechless and looked grave, thinking of the Master’s suffering of the previous night.

His vision of unity

MASTER (to the devotees): “Do you know what I see right now? I see that it is God Himself who has become all this. It seems to me that men and other living beings are made of leather, and that it is God Himself who, dwelling inside these leather cases, moves the hands, the feet, the heads. I had a similar vision once before, when I saw houses, gardens, roads, men, cattle-all made of One Substance; it was as if they were all made of wax.

I see that it is God Himself who has become the block, the executioner, and the victim for the sacrifice.” As he describes this staggering experience, in which he realizes in full the identity of all within the One Being, he is overwhelmed with emotion and exclaims, “Ah! What a vision!” Immediately Sri Ramakrishna goes into samādhi. He completely forgets his body and the outer world. The devotees are bewildered. Not knowing what to do, they sit still. Presently the Master regains partial consciousness of the world and says: “Now I have no pain at all. I am my old self again.” The devotees are amazed to watch this state of the Master, beyond pleasure and pain, weal and woe. He casts his glance on Lātu and says: “There is Loto. He bends his head, resting it on the palm of his hand. I see that it is God Himself who rests his head on His hand.” Sri Ramakrishna looks at the devotees and his love for them wells up in a thousand streams. Like a mother showing her tenderness to her children he touches the faces and chins of Rākhāl and Narendra. Master about himself A few minutes later he says to M., “If the body were to be preserved a few days more, many people would have their spirituality awakened.” He pauses a few minutes. “But this is not to be. This time the body will not be preserved.“The devotees eagerly await the Master’s next words. “Such is not the will of God. This time the body will not be preserved, lest, finding me guileless and foolish, people should take advantage of me, and lest I, guileless and foolish as I am, should give away everything to everybody. In this Kaliyuga, you see, people are averse to meditation and japa.”

RĀKHĀL (tenderly): “Please speak to God that He may preserve your body some time more.”

MASTER: “That depends on God’s will.”

NARENDRA: “Your will and God’s will have become one.”

Sri Ramakrisna remains silent. He appears to be thinking about something.

MASTER (to Narendra, Rākhāl , and the others): “And nothing will happen if I speak to God. Now I see that I and the Mother have become one. For fear of her sister-in-law, Radha said to Krishna, ‘Please dwell in my heart.’ But when, later on, she became very eager for a vision of Krishna-so eager that her heart pined and panted for her Beloved- He would not come out.” RĀKHĀL (in a low voice, to the devotees): “He is referring to God’s incarnation as Gaurānga.”

The devotees sit silently in the room. Sri Ramakrishna looks at them tenderly. Then he places his hand on his heart He is about to speak.

MASTER (to Narendra and the others): “There are two persons in this. One, the Divine Mother-”

He pauses. The devotees eagerly look at him to hear what he will say next.

MASTER: “Yes, One is She. And the other is Her devotee. It is the devotee who broke his arm, and it is the devotee who is now ill. Do you understand?” The devotees sit without uttering a word.

MASTER: “Alas! To whom shall I say all this? Who will understand me?” Pausing a few moments, he says: “God becomes man, an Avatār, and comes to earth with His devotees. And the devotee leave the world with Him.”

RĀKHĀL : “Therefore we pray that you may not go away and leave us behind.”

Sri Ramakrishna smiles and says:“A band of minstrels suddenly appears, dances, and sings, and it departs in the same sudden manner. They come and they return, but none recognizes them.”

The Master and the devotees smile.

After a few minutes he says: “Suffering is inevitable when one assumes a human body. “Every now and then I say to myself, ‘May I not have to come back to earth again!’ But there is something else. After enjoying sumptuous feasts outside, one does not relish cheap home cooking. “Besides, this assuming of a human body is for the sake of the devotees.” Sri Ramakrishna looks at Narendra very tenderly. Master teaches Narendra Brahmajnana MASTER (to Narendra) : “An outcaste was carrying a load of meat. Sankaracharya, after bathing in the Ganges, was passing by. Suddenly the outcaste touched him. Sankara said sharply: ‘What! You touched me!’ ‘Revered sir,’ he replied, ‘I have not touched you nor have you touched me. Reason with me: Are you the body, the mind, or the buddhi? Analyse what you are. You are the Pure Ātman, unattached and free, unaffected by the three Gunās -sattva, rajas, and tamas.’ “Do you know what Brahman is like? It is like air. Good and bad smells are carried by the air, but the air itself is unaffected.” NARENDRA: “Yes, sir.” MASTER: “He is beyond the Gunās and māyā-beyond both the ‘māyā of knowledge’ and the ‘māyā of ignorance’.‘Woman and gold’ is the ‘māyā of ignorance’. Knowledge, renunciation, devotion, and other spiritual qualities are the splendours of the ‘māyā of knowledge’.

“Ego of Knowledge”

Sankaracharya kept this ‘māyā of knowledge’; and that you and these others feel concerned about me is also due to this ‘māyā of knowledge’.

“Following the ‘māyā of knowledge’ step by step, one attains the Knowledge of Brahman. This ‘māyā of knowledge’ may be likened to the last few steps of the stairs. Next is the roof. Some, even after reaching the roof, go up and down the stairs; that is to say, some even after realizing God, retain the ’ego of Knowledge’. They retain this in order to teach others, taste divine bliss, and sport with the devotees of God.”

NARENDRA: “Some people get angry with me when I speak of renunciation.“MASTER (in a whisper): “Renunciation is necessary. (Pointing to his different limbs) “If one thing is placed upon another, you must remove the one to get the other. Can you get the second thing without removing the first?” NARENDRA: “True, sir.” MASTER (in a whisper, to Narendra): “When one sees everything filled with God alone, does one see anything else?” NARENDRA: “Must one renounce the world?” MASTER: “Didn’t I say just now: ‘When one sees everything filled with God alone, does one see anything else?’ Does one then see any such thing as the world? “I mean mental renunciation. Not one of those who have come here is a worldly person. Some of them had a slight desire-for instance, a fancy for woman. (Rākhāl and M. smile.) And that desire has been fulfilled.” The Master looks at Narendra tenderly and becomes filled with love. Looking at the devotees, he says, “Grand!” With a smile Narendra asks the Master, “What is grand?” MASTER (smiling): “I see that preparations are going on for a grand renunciation.” Narendra and the devotees look silently at the Master. Rākhāl resumes the conversation. RĀKHĀL (smiling, to the Master): “Narendra is now beginning to understand you rather well.” Sri Ramakrishna laughs and says: “Yes, that is so. I see that many others, too, are beginning to understand. (To M.) Isn’t that so?” M: “Yes, sir.”

Narendra and M

Sri Ramakrishna turns his eyes to Narendra and M. and by a sign of his finger draws the attention of the devotees to them. He first points out Narendra and then M. Rākhāl understands the Master’s hint and says to him with a smile, “Don’t you mean that Narendra has the attitude of a hero, and he [meaning M.] that of a handmaid of God?”

Sri Ramakrishna laughs.

NARENDRA (smiling, to Rākhāl): “He [meaning M.] doesn’t talk much and is bashful. Is that why you say he is a handmaid of God?“MASTER (smiling, to Narendra): “Well, what do you think of me?”

NARENDRA: “You are a hero, a handmaid of God, and everything else.”

These words fill Sri Ramakrishna with divine emotion. He places his hand on his heart and is about to say something.

He says to Narendra and the other devotees:

“I see that all things-everything that exist-have come from this.” He asks Narendra by a sign, “What did you understand?” NARENDRA: “All created objects have come from you.” The Master’s face beams with joy. He says to Rākhāl, “Did you hear what he said?” Sri Ramakrishna asks Narendra to sing. Narendra intones a hymn. His mind is full of renunciation. He sings: Unsteady is water on the lotus petal; Just as unsteady is the life of man. One moment with a sādhu is the boat That takes one across the ocean of this world. . . . Narendra has hardly finished one or two lines, when Sri Ramakrishna says to him by a sign: “What are you singing? That is a very insignificant attitude, a very commonplace thing.” Now Narendra sings about the love of Krishna, impersonating one of His handmaids: How strange, O friend, are the rules of life and death! The Youth of Braja has Red away, And this poor maid of Braja soon will die. Madhava is in love with other maids More beautiful than I.

Alas! He has forgotten the milkman’s artless daughter. Who would ever have guessed, dear friend, that He, A Lover so tender, so divine, Could be a beggar simply for outward charm? I was a fool not to have seen it before; But carried away by His beauty, I yearned alone to hold His two feet to my breast. Now I shall drown myself in the Jamuna’s stream, Or take a draught of poison, friend! Or I shall bind a creeper round my neck,Or hang myself from a young tamala tree; Or, failing all of these, Destroy my wretched self by chanting Krishna’s name. Sri Ramakrishna and the devotees are greatly moved by the song. The Master and Rākhāl shed tears of love. Narendra is intoxicated with the love of the gopis of Braja for their Sweetheart, Sri Krishna, and sings: O Krishna! Beloved! You are mine.

What shall I say to You, O Lord?

What shall I ever say to You? Only a woman am I, And never fortune’s favourite; I do not know what to say. You are the mirror for the hand, And You are the flower for the hair. O Friend, I shall make a flower of You And wear You in my hair; Under my braids I shall hide You, Friend! No one will see You there. You are the betel-leaf for the lips, The sweet collyrium for the eyes; O Friend, with You I shall stain my lips, With You I shall paint my eyes. You are the sandal-paste for the body; You are the necklace for the neck. I shall anoint myself with You, My fragrant Sandal-paste, And soothe my body and my soul. I shall wear You, my lovely Necklace, Here about my neck, And You will lie upon my bosom, Close to my throbbing heart. You are the Treasure in my body; You are the Dweller in my house. You are to me, O Lord, What wings are to the flying bird, What water is to the fish.